The prosecution: Roland
James resents paying more rent than me and constantly criticises my spending habits
My boyfriend, James, is a great guy but he’s very tight with money. We moved into a lovely two-bedroom flat six months ago when I was on a fantastic salary, working in finance. Then, I changed to work in the charity sector, which I’d always wanted to do, and couldn’t afford my half of the rent.
James is a lawyer who earns a near six-figure salary, and so for him, money shouldn’t be an issue. But when I asked if we could split the rent 70:30 or 60:40 while I found my feet, he made a huge deal out of it. He told me I should “learn to budget” and that he would be “giving me money” each month by paying more rent. I don’t see it like that – he’s simply paying a bit more because he has the means to do so. James agreed to a 60:40 split, but now takes every opportunity to criticise my spending habits.
When I bought a scented candle for our home recently, he snarkily asked ‘is that really a wise purchase?’
He waits until the fridge is totally empty so I have to go out and buy groceries. He’s also always telling me to turn off lights, and turn down the radiator because “it’s costing him”. And when I bought a scented candle for our home recently, he snarkily asked “is that really a wise purchase?” before walking out of the room. I can’t remember the last time he planned a date, either.
When we met, he wasn’t like this. He would take me out regularly and we’d both spend our spare income on treating the other. Since he’s started paying more rent, he’s grown bitter. I went travelling last year before this new job and he brings it up often, saying it wasn’t a good financial move. But I paid for it all myself, so why is he still going on about it?
James grew up with less money than I did, and seems to have a scarcity mindset despite his brilliant salary. It’s like he wants to teach me a lesson because I’ve never had it hard. My family aren’t millionaires but when we first got together, he stayed in my family home, rent-free, for weeks. James should remember that when he insists on reminding me …….